Three years ago, we welcomed our third little girl into our home. It was an unusual birth story in the fact that my mom, who is a maternity nurse (or was, up until last week when she retired), asked the Dr. if she could deliver the baby. It only seemed appropriate to name her after the first person she saw, so that's why we have an Elyse in our family.
We always thought that 3 would be a good number of offspring. After the first 2 were born in two years, we decided to take a little extra time to have our third. Maybe put 3 years in between #2 and #3. So, when the time felt "right" we decided to go for it. Well, our plans were obviously not God's plans. Rather than experiencing a year of physical changes, it became a year of watching other people's swelling bellies, other baby's cute little pudgy feet, and waiting. Tests came back normal. We couldn't understand why we weren't getting pregnant. It was very discouraging. I remember asking God why this was happening. I immersed myself in working full-time and resigned to the fact that we were a family of 4. The fact that we had 2 perfect kids already made me feel a little sorry for myself. But I understand, now.
This time of waiting had become a time of learning. Learning to wait on the Lord, learning to find the Joy in all circumstances, to trust God's big plans for us. And, learning about me. Why is it that every winter I wanted to crawl into bed and never crawl out? Why couldn't I be more of a morning person? Why did the world feel like it was stacked against me? Why did I feel like life wasn't worth living?
On the outside, I looked collected. On the outside, I was put together. On the outside, I had the perfect family. On the outside, I looked happy.
Inside, I was falling apart. There was something wrong with me. I felt like there was popcorn in my head and I couldn't form a reasonable thought. I wanted to run away from my life. I knew something wasn't right and needed help.
Enter: Doctor. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder. Prescription: Celexa from October-May. I was a classic, textbook case.
Had Elyse been born when I wanted her to come, this revelation would never have come to fruition. So, thank God for his perfect timing. Thank God for his JOY!
About three days after she was born, I was looking at Elyse and knew we had to give her the name Joy. Anna had chosen Rebekah, she was named after my mom, Alice, but she brought me such Joy. She is a testimony to God's faithfulness to me. I am blessed to be her mom.
